mental health
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Well here we are
Hi guys, I know I’ve been absent here for a while, and in the meantime the world has been turned upside down. I just wanted to let you know I’ve started a second blog at coronavirusdiary.net as an immediate response to these uncertain times. I began it earlier this week when my hometown of San Francisco announced a “shelter in place” order, and life as we knew it changed (albeit temporarily) in ways that I never imagined. I’ll still be posting here when I can, and actually have a couple of things already drafted that I’ve been working on over the last month or so, so make sure to check…
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The most wonderful time of the year
The holidays are upon us, a season of unity, of bringing together friends and family, a time when it almost seems as if our shared humanity might overcome those things that conspire to divide us. I try to approach this “most wonderful time of the year” (to paraphrase Andy Williams) with a certain openness. And sometimes I’m able to enjoy the celebrations and the music and the gift giving and the time spent together. But let’s face it – the holidays can be a challenge. Even more so when we’ve lost a loved one. And yet more when we’ve lost someone to suicide. I’ve written about my father’s suicide on…
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In praise of sweat
I’ve run most of my life. There’s something wonderful about the rhythm of moving limbs, the impact of feet on the ground. It feels primal, the action of the body, and I become keenly aware of my animal-ness, just a creature on earth. As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I struggle with anxiety, and have done so for most of my life. When I discovered running in my early teens, I suddenly had an outlet for the uncomfortable energy that accompanied my anxiety, a way to feel grounded when I felt untethered. The tightness in my chest was released by the conscious breath of exertion, and as sweat beaded…
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Out of sorts
Do you every find yourself in a state of irritation that is wholly out of proportion to the irritant? Yesterday morning at the airport I was standing in a long baggage drop line, and after 15 minutes of waiting I was almost at the counter. An airline representative walking by told me that I’d need to go to the Special Services counter (I’ll spare you the long story involving an airline policy change I wasn’t aware of), and further that I’d need to go to the end of that (equally long) line. This information was offered to me with a dismissive “oh, there are only a few people ahead of…
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Weighty Matters
In 2012 I was fresh off a summer tour with Sting, starting to get some really interesting guest conducting opportunities, living with a loving husband in a beautiful house in a great neighborhood; life, by all outward accounts, looked good. I was also clinically underweight, eating less than half the calories I needed for baseline bodily functions every day, suffering from amenorrhea and hating everything about my physical being. This post isn’t meant to be a précis about eating disorders – that information is available elsewhere, and it doesn’t feel right to me to speak of other people’s experiences, as I can barely comprehend my own. Suffice it to say…
- adventure, balance, California living, mental health, mindfulness, musician life, running, self care, travel
Reboot!
Did you know that America is the only advanced economy that doesn’t guarantee paid vacation? Think of what most European countries get – 20-something days in addition to national holidays, so a total around 34 days – and you realize what a raw deal we get. For those of us who are independent contractors, however, it can be a different story. While I try to maximize my work (given that I have no guaranteed assurance of future gigs), it conversely also gives me some flexibility in my own time off. Those of you who follow my various social media that I’ve had a particularly busy season, often on the road…
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Life on edge, part 1
I am a very, very anxious person. There, I’ve said it. And when I say that, I mean all day, every day, since I was a young child; worrying, ruminating, convinced that something is just on the verge of going wrong. It’s not really environmentally related – I mean, yes, I get uncomfortable on particularly turbulent flights, but what I’m talking about is an underlying baseline state of dis-ease that has always been with me. My anxiety manifests as an inexplicable sense of existential dread that has no practical explanation. And for my ordered and rational brain, the fact that I can’t reason my anxiety out of existence is both…
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The glamorous life
I was in Belgium a month ago conducting concerts with the Antwerp Symphony. I’d never been to Antwerp before, and was delighted to discover a city of beautiful architecture (Central Station), exquisite art (Rubens) and delectable food (moules frites and waffles). The orchestra was great, and their schedule was such that I had enough time to make the hour long trip to Bruges, which was utterly charming, if overrun by tourists. On a sunny Saturday morning I set out for a run in the brisk autumn air of Stadtpark. And on the afternoon before my last concert I had time to troll the city for the best chocolate boutiques to…
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Some trees would do you good
There has been quite a bit written about forest bathing in the last several years – and, no, it’s not about plunging into an outdoor spring (although that’s actually pretty awesome), but rather bathing in the atmosphere of a forest. A Japanese movement that began in the 80’s, shinrin-yoku is a timely reminder for us city dwellers of the importance of connecting to the natural world. Time spent in nature has shown to boost the immune system, decrease stress and blood pressure, and to contribute to a better overall sense of wellness. Wellness is something I could use these days. As you’ve probably gathered from my previous post, I’ve been…
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Let Us Be Well, Part 2
I hadn’t intended on posting again on this topic so soon, but the universe has somehow conspired to bring this to the forefront of my mind in the last few weeks. Tuesday I read with a heavy heart about the suicide of designer Kate Spade; this came on the heels of the devastating news two weeks ago that the father of a dear friend here in San Francisco had taken his own life. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S., claiming nearly 45,000 lives annually (to put this into perspective, according to CDC reports, homicide deaths in 2016 were 19,362) and is the fourth leading cause…