Out of sorts

Do you every find yourself in a state of irritation that is wholly out of proportion to the irritant?

Yesterday morning at the airport I was standing in a long baggage drop line, and after 15 minutes of waiting I was almost at the counter. An airline representative walking by told me that I’d need to go to the Special Services counter (I’ll spare you the long story involving an airline policy change I wasn’t aware of), and further that I’d need to go to the end of that (equally long) line. This information was offered to me with a dismissive “oh, there are only a few people ahead of you”.

Generally, when faced with annoyance (and really poor customer service, ahem, DELTA) I’m able to articulate my frustration in some way and move on with my life. This morning, a surprising rage boiled up in me and as I walked, suitcases in tow, to the next interminable line, I said something along the lines of “don’t tell me I’m in the wrong fucking line after I’ve been waiting 15 minutes”.

This is not normal behavior for me.

When I find myself feeling triggered by everyday annoyances, I take it as a sign that something more is going on internally. And it took me a minute to cool down and breathe through my frustration so that I could be clearheaded enough to really parse this situation.

Outbursts are a normal part of human existence. Sometimes we need to cry out to feel seen and heard, to externalize an inner pain. In whatever way they manifest themselves, our emotional eruptions provide us with useful information about ourselves. As I sat on my flight later that morning, I realized that I’d had two and a half very intense weeks on the road, followed immediately by a 5-day visit by my in-laws. And that as much as it was delightful to see them, spending time showing them around town took away what little spare time I had to decompress and regroup, quietly, alone.

When I put two and two together, it became clear to me that I was feeling time-crunched and needed some space for myself; the check-in line drama took away time I was looking forward to, time to relax with a cup of coffee before my flight, a small luxury in a busy life.

We often get stuck in behaviors and attitudes because it’s so hard to take a step back from them, especially when we are caught up in the heat of the moment. Unfortunately, taking that step back and giving ourselves a time-out is the only way we can really understand where those behaviors come from. It’s not easy work to be caught in a moment of anger, or sadness, and have the wherewithal to take a deep breath and gently ask ourselves the true source of these powerful emotions.

I’m not always able to take that breath, but I’m getting a little better at it. And when I can see my outbursts as merely symptoms of something much deeper, I’m more able to get past the impulsivity of the outburst itself, to feel through to what’s underneath.

Emotions continually fascinate me, by their complexity, their universality – something I try to be aware of in myself and in those around me. And the understanding that I’ve reached is that when strong emotions are triggered, instead of letting them progress to an inner squall, the conscious act of stepping back from that initial reaction can help make that moment more illuminating than infuriating.

Outbursts are immensely informative. Next time you have one (and this takes practice, I know!), play the scientist with yourself. What is it that I’m feeling? Is it unpleasant? Is it about what’s happening right now? Where does this feeling manifest itself in my body? Can I breathe into that part of my body so that I can release this tension? Is this feeling familiar, or is it new? Do I want to yell, walk away, be alone, cry? What can I do for myself in this moment to relax the grip of this feeling?

All good questions to remember as I anticipate more airport frustration throughout the next few months!