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Well here we are
Hi guys, I know I’ve been absent here for a while, and in the meantime the world has been turned upside down. I just wanted to let you know I’ve started a second blog at coronavirusdiary.net as an immediate response to these uncertain times. I began it earlier this week when my hometown of San Francisco announced a “shelter in place” order, and life as we knew it changed (albeit temporarily) in ways that I never imagined. I’ll still be posting here when I can, and actually have a couple of things already drafted that I’ve been working on over the last month or so, so make sure to check…
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The gender question, part 1
Early on in my career I was asked the gender question a lot. I mean, A LOT. It seemed to be the focus of most of my interviews in the early aughts – what’s it like to be a female conductor in a male-dominated field? Given the increasing numbers of women on the podium, lately that questions has become less prevalent, and I suppose in a way that’s a huge positive. Women conductors are becoming more normalized and pointing out our unique experiences might act as a disservice to that process. Which is not to say that the challenges of being a woman in what is still a man’s world…
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The most wonderful time of the year
The holidays are upon us, a season of unity, of bringing together friends and family, a time when it almost seems as if our shared humanity might overcome those things that conspire to divide us. I try to approach this “most wonderful time of the year” (to paraphrase Andy Williams) with a certain openness. And sometimes I’m able to enjoy the celebrations and the music and the gift giving and the time spent together. But let’s face it – the holidays can be a challenge. Even more so when we’ve lost a loved one. And yet more when we’ve lost someone to suicide. I’ve written about my father’s suicide on…
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In praise of sweat
I’ve run most of my life. There’s something wonderful about the rhythm of moving limbs, the impact of feet on the ground. It feels primal, the action of the body, and I become keenly aware of my animal-ness, just a creature on earth. As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, I struggle with anxiety, and have done so for most of my life. When I discovered running in my early teens, I suddenly had an outlet for the uncomfortable energy that accompanied my anxiety, a way to feel grounded when I felt untethered. The tightness in my chest was released by the conscious breath of exertion, and as sweat beaded…
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Sunrise, sunset
There’s something subtly melancholy about a sunset, regardless of how glorious it may be. It makes me think of the lyrics to “Taps”, that summer camp staple: “Day is done/Gone the sun”. Done and gone. There is a finality about it, a closing. I like to think that I’m at peace with the cyclical nature of the universe, the waxing and waning, the rise and fall, the expansion and contraction. But the fact that sunsets often bring me to the verge of tears is a visceral reminder that I’m not. Endings are hard. The end of a beautiful day, the end of a fulfilling project, the end of a relationship,…
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Heigh-ho, heigh-ho
I’m currently killing time in a Burbank coffee shop before I head back to the airport – an airport I left just a few hours ago. I’ve had quite a few days like this in the last month or so, any guess as to where my meeting was this afternoon? Between the recording last month for “Little Mermaid Live” and upcoming performances of “Coco Live in Concert” at the Hollywood Bowl I’ve been spending quite a bit of time doing work that seems far away from my classical roots. Hollywood is a very, very different world, with different expectations, different attitudes, different modes of operation. I’ve always been a big…
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Out of sorts
Do you every find yourself in a state of irritation that is wholly out of proportion to the irritant? Yesterday morning at the airport I was standing in a long baggage drop line, and after 15 minutes of waiting I was almost at the counter. An airline representative walking by told me that I’d need to go to the Special Services counter (I’ll spare you the long story involving an airline policy change I wasn’t aware of), and further that I’d need to go to the end of that (equally long) line. This information was offered to me with a dismissive “oh, there are only a few people ahead of…
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Weighty Matters
In 2012 I was fresh off a summer tour with Sting, starting to get some really interesting guest conducting opportunities, living with a loving husband in a beautiful house in a great neighborhood; life, by all outward accounts, looked good. I was also clinically underweight, eating less than half the calories I needed for baseline bodily functions every day, suffering from amenorrhea and hating everything about my physical being. This post isn’t meant to be a précis about eating disorders – that information is available elsewhere, and it doesn’t feel right to me to speak of other people’s experiences, as I can barely comprehend my own. Suffice it to say…
- adventure, balance, California living, mental health, mindfulness, musician life, running, self care, travel
Reboot!
Did you know that America is the only advanced economy that doesn’t guarantee paid vacation? Think of what most European countries get – 20-something days in addition to national holidays, so a total around 34 days – and you realize what a raw deal we get. For those of us who are independent contractors, however, it can be a different story. While I try to maximize my work (given that I have no guaranteed assurance of future gigs), it conversely also gives me some flexibility in my own time off. Those of you who follow my various social media that I’ve had a particularly busy season, often on the road…
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Independence Day Musings
I just watched a Fourth of July fireworks show from the window of my hotel room. It was at quite a distance, and the sky was a bit smoky already, but well, it was something. I guess. Sigh. For some reason today I’ve found it hard not to feel a little…grinchy…? I can’t think of a better way to express it. I felt annoyed at the people at the airport adorned in red white and blue garb, at the airline lounges serving barbeque and lemonade. I mean, fireworks are making me surly. So I’ve taken a step back to give myself the space to think it through. I end up…